Friday, April 24, 2009

You think you know me...

Some of you have known me for a short time and others of you have known me for [what seems like] an eternity. Each of you know me in a different capacity, know different things about me, know different personality traits, goals, thoughts, desires, etc.

I'd say that over the course of my life there have been lots of ups and downs and lots of changes...some good and some bad. But for the most part I'd say that I definitely learned from my life.

I have gone through phases when I have been very social and everything has been about being with people (at work or hanging out with friends) and I've gone through phases of enjoying my time to myself. I am content with either...I am perfectly content being home or socializing. If you've only known me in a social setting than it's probably hard for you to believe I have a side that desires being alone. My alone time usually involves reading...I'm not the type to spend hours in the tub or sleeping when I'm alone - instead I like to fill my mind.

For those who know my "social" side you probably also know me as a girl who likes to date and has had my share of "first" dates...and just a few long term relationships. The truth is...I have no problem being alone and don't mind it. It doesn't depress me or worry me...I can be content either way.

My phases have been...socializing in High School and working after school, weekends, and summer breaks. I had a good time with friends as a teenager should and dated one guy for almost 2 years. After HS I went to work full-time instead of off to college like most of my friends. This was fine with me and I formed a lot of great friendships over the years. While working at my 2nd "real" job I met the guy I dated for 4 years. We had our problems of breaking up and getting back together, but I learned a lot about myself and very little about relationships. I was probably about 25 when we broke up. For a little while after that I just concentrated on work (and during one of our breakups I moved to OK for 3 months) - I worked 2 jobs most of the time from 11th grade until 1998 when I moved to GA. Right before moving to GA I went through a phase of going out with a friend from the salon (where I was working) on a regular basis just about every weekend. And I also went back to school for a short time in 1995-1996. I dated a "much" younger guy for a short time in 1996 around the time I had surgery on my knee. I was feeling crappy about myself and he was young and cute and made me feel better about myself, but only for a short time. After him I didn't date anyone up until moving to GA...I had a few dates here and there, but never with anyone I could see myself with. While not dating anyone I spent quite a bit of time doing my own thing. Working, staying at home, and going out from time to time. I was absolutely fine with not dating anyone. I moved here in 1998 and didn't date anyone for the first 2 years of being here. I went back to school, joined the gym, and worked. I earned a cruise from my employer and took the trip was quite liberating. I met a group of girlfriends and some sisters traveling together and we all hung out and enjoyed "girl" time out on the ocean. I then "secretly" dated a guy from work for a year - dating within our company was frowned upon so we never told anyone. That was around 2001 - and after that I didn't date at all again until 2005...not even a first date. I was working my ass off! I did a marathon and a 1/2 marathon during that time, traveled for work, traveled up to CT a few times to check on my dying grandfather and then back up for his funeral. Dating was not even on my mind...hell, I went to PR a few times, CA, Jamaica, Greece - who needed dating. For approximately a year I dated another guy I worked with (a different company) and again no one could know - this time it was because I was the Operations /HR Manager and he "sort of" reported to me. It was a relationship I knew would end up no where because he wanted children and I can't have any. And then I started putting together a business plan to buy my own salon and I got really caught up in that...again I was back to the no time for dating or anything else. I spent all my time researching information and putting together my plan. After I finally signed on the dotted line for my salon I thought I could at least consider dating someone - I figured my life was finally coming together and since my goal of owning a salon had come to life I could work on finding someone to share it with. In 2007 I joined and had mixed results in the dating world. I signed up for a month here and there never really concentrating on anything... Then in the beginning of 2008 things were not looking good for my salon and the depression was starting to take a toll on me. April 2008 I closed my salon and spent many, many nights going out with friends to ignore my life and the downturn it had taken. A few months after closing I started back on - again with mixed results and then in the fall I ended up joining POF. I had many first dates and prefer not to discuss the specifics.

Most of what I have written is to get to this point...I have realized that I spent the last year (and many past years) wasting a lot of time and money and the girl I used to be was always a goal-setter, a go-getter, and someone who got stuff done. The past year I went out too much and wasted so much money that could have been put to good use. I have decided to get back on track...going out will not be a regular occurrence (and this includes going out to dinner - I will limit it) and saving money will become my focus! I have goals to meet and things to do! When Mr. Right joins me I will have my stuff together...I'm going to be 39 next month and I'm ready to be a grown up! It took me long enough!!

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