You think you know me...

Some of you have known me for a short time and others of you have known me for [what seems like] an eternity. Each of you know me in a different capacity, know different things about me, know different personality traits, goals, thoughts, desires, etc.

I'd say that over the course of my life there have been lots of ups and downs and lots of changes...some good and some bad. But for the most part I'd say that I definitely learned from my life.

I have gone through phases when I have been very social and everything has been about being with people (at work or hanging out with friends) and I've gone through phases of enjoying my time to myself. I am content with either...I am perfectly content being home or socializing. If you've only known me in a social setting than it's probably hard for you to believe I have a side that desires being alone. My alone time usually involves reading...I'm not the type to spend hours in the tub or sleeping when I'm alone - instead I like to fill my mind.

For those who know my "social" side you probably also know me as a girl who likes to date and has had my share of "first" dates...and just a few long term relationships. The truth is...I have no problem being alone and don't mind it. It doesn't depress me or worry me...I can be content either way.

My phases have been...socializing in High School and working after school, weekends, and summer breaks. I had a good time with friends as a teenager should and dated one guy for almost 2 years. After HS I went to work full-time instead of off to college like most of my friends. This was fine with me and I formed a lot of great friendships over the years. While working at my 2nd "real" job I met the guy I dated for 4 years. We had our problems of breaking up and getting back together, but I learned a lot about myself and very little about relationships. I was probably about 25 when we broke up. For a little while after that I just concentrated on work (and during one of our breakups I moved to OK for 3 months) - I worked 2 jobs most of the time from 11th grade until 1998 when I moved to GA. Right before moving to GA I went through a phase of going out with a friend from the salon (where I was working) on a regular basis just about every weekend. And I also went back to school for a short time in 1995-1996. I dated a "much" younger guy for a short time in 1996 around the time I had surgery on my knee. I was feeling crappy about myself and he was young and cute and made me feel better about myself, but only for a short time. After him I didn't date anyone up until moving to GA...I had a few dates here and there, but never with anyone I could see myself with. While not dating anyone I spent quite a bit of time doing my own thing. Working, staying at home, and going out from time to time. I was absolutely fine with not dating anyone. I moved here in 1998 and didn't date anyone for the first 2 years of being here. I went back to school, joined the gym, and worked. I earned a cruise from my employer and took the trip alone...it was quite liberating. I met a group of girlfriends and some sisters traveling together and we all hung out and enjoyed "girl" time out on the ocean. I then "secretly" dated a guy from work for a year - dating within our company was frowned upon so we never told anyone. That was around 2001 - and after that I didn't date at all again until 2005...not even a first date. I was working my ass off! I did a marathon and a 1/2 marathon during that time, traveled for work, traveled up to CT a few times to check on my dying grandfather and then back up for his funeral. Dating was not even on my mind...hell, I went to PR a few times, CA, Jamaica, Greece - who needed dating. For approximately a year I dated another guy I worked with (a different company) and again no one could know - this time it was because I was the Operations /HR Manager and he "sort of" reported to me. It was a relationship I knew would end up no where because he wanted children and I can't have any. And then I started putting together a business plan to buy my own salon and I got really caught up in that...again I was back to the no time for dating or anything else. I spent all my time researching information and putting together my plan. After I finally signed on the dotted line for my salon I thought I could at least consider dating someone - I figured my life was finally coming together and since my goal of owning a salon had come to life I could work on finding someone to share it with. In 2007 I joined Match.com and had mixed results in the dating world. I signed up for a month here and there never really concentrating on anything... Then in the beginning of 2008 things were not looking good for my salon and the depression was starting to take a toll on me. April 2008 I closed my salon and spent many, many nights going out with friends to ignore my life and the downturn it had taken. A few months after closing I started back on Match.com - again with mixed results and then in the fall I ended up joining POF. I had many first dates and prefer not to discuss the specifics.

Most of what I have written is to get to this point...I have realized that I spent the last year (and many past years) wasting a lot of time and money and the girl I used to be was always a goal-setter, a go-getter, and someone who got stuff done. The past year I went out too much and wasted so much money that could have been put to good use. I have decided to get back on track...going out will not be a regular occurrence (and this includes going out to dinner - I will limit it) and saving money will become my focus! I have goals to meet and things to do! When Mr. Right joins me I will have my stuff together...I'm going to be 39 next month and I'm ready to be a grown up! It took me long enough!!

What is Love?

I have lots of friends who are happily married (and some that are "just" married). Love is usually the the thing that brings these people together.

I met someone recently and I can't get him out of my mind when we aren't together. We spent Friday, Saturday & Sunday of the past 2 weekends together. He even picked me up yesterday to go to his house and brought me home today. How impressive is that?

He dropped me off today because I am supposed to meet up with a friend so she can go over my 2007 taxes (UGH...they should have been done a long time ago). I haven't been able to stop thinking about him and wanting to be with him since he left.

I think I'm falling in love already. When I am with him I just don't care about anything else. I have never felt that before. Man...I didn't want to come home today.

Porn and the Super Bowl

Just in case you don't pay attention to what's going on in the world (or even the U.S.) there was a little incident in Tuscon, AZ where in the middle of the Super Bowl 10-30 seconds (I don't recall exactly and I don't even think it matters at this point) of porn interrupted the football game.

Imagine this...families in Tuscon are huddled around the TV talking about the game, drinking beers, hanging out with grandparents and kids alike and suddenly porn is on the big screen! Yep! Right there for all to enjoy.

This subject got the DJs on QBert talking and they asked people to call in about the most embarrassing experiences with porn. I couldn't help but laugh because it reminded me of a story involving my (then) teenage cousin and my grandmother.

My aunt and cousins were staying at my grandparents for a while and my grandparents are die-hard Christians and church-goers. There are some things my grandmother won't tolerate and porn is one of them (along with what she calls filthy language). My grandparents had gone out of town for a while and my cousin had some friends over (my aunt worked long hours so my cousin had a lot of free time).

After my grandparents returned home my grandmother was in the living room one day and realized there was a tape in the VCR so she decided to see what it was. Much to her shock and dismay it was a porn flick. And she was NOT happy! She immediately took it out of the VCR, headed to the kitchen sink, filled it with hot water and proceeded to baptize the tape. She dunked it and prayed and then pulled the tape out of the inside. And she also grabbed one of my cousin's rap cassettes and baptized it too.

When he came home and saw her doing this he asked what was going on. When she told him about the video from the VCR he flipped out. He started saying "Grandma...that wasn't mine. That belonged to a friend and he has to return it to the rental place." My grandmother basically told him that if he was going to let that smut be in her house it was her's to do with what she wanted.

I don't think that story will ever NOT be funny to me. Nothing like seeing your grandmother baptize a video and cassette and then rip the guts out!

Skittles or Pharm Parties (Who Knew?)

This morning on QBert I heard of something that just shocked me! Apparently kids are attending parties called Skittles or Pharm parties.

It seems that tweens and teens (and some a little older) are attending Skittles parties which involves a bowl full of brightly colored ecstasy pills that people just take throughout the night and even mix with alcohol. The other is the Pharm party which involves people bringing a mix of prescription pills (their own or some stolen from friends and family) and everyone dumps what they have in a bowl. This bowl now could have anything from Xanax to Vicodin to who-knows-what! And again, they mix it with alcohol!

I am worried about these darn kids. Who ever thought that at 38 years old I would be thinking "these darn kids today." I am just amazed at what goes on these days. I am thankful I am no longer a teenager and no longer have these pressures.

Parents...please be very careful! Hide your medication. These parties are dangerous.

Inappropriate Questions

Do you know that it really is NEVER okay to ask a woman if she is pregnant? You shouldn't say "Oh, when are you due?" or "Awww...are you having a baby?" or "So, is there a baby on the way?"

And I say this in the nicest possible way because I've been asked it a few times over the years. I am not a Barbie. I don't have long thin legs, big boobs (okay, well I do have that), and a teeny-tiny waist that makes it evident that I am NOT preggers.

Today in the ladies room I was asked if I had a baby on the way. The empire waist sweaters, tops and dresses are in style (again) and I tend to like them. They are a little better at accentuating nice boobs and hiding some flaws around the middle. But, apparently that's not always true.

Man...I need to get back to the gym! I hate being asked that question!!

Feeling Quizical

Thanks to my friend Princess Sparkle Pants showing the results of her recent Myers-Briggs test I was feeling a wee bit quizical and Smarty McSmarty Pants (not in a Jeopardy kind of way though - I'm not that smart).

I decided to go online and take the test myself and this is what I found out...I am an ENTJ and according to this I am:

• slightly expressed extravert
• moderately expressed intuitive personality
• slightly expressed thinking personality
• slightly expressed judging personality

Hmmm...is anyone surprised by these findings? I'm not. I don't know if that's good or bad!

I am Extraverted 22 / iNtuitive 25 / Thinking 12 / Judging 11

It says this on their site: Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

"I don't care to sit by the window on an airplane. If I can't control it, why look?"

ENTJs have a natural tendency to marshall and direct. This may be expressed with the charm and finesse of a world leader or with the insensitivity of a cult leader. The ENTJ requires little encouragement to make a plan. One ENTJ put it this way... "I make these little plans that really don't have any importance to anyone else, and then feel compelled to carry them out." While "compelled" may not describe ENTJs as a group, nevertheless the bent to plan creatively and to make those plans reality is a common theme for NJ types.

ENTJs are often "larger than life" in describing their projects or proposals. This ability may be expressed as salesmanship, story-telling facility or stand-up comedy. In combination with the natural propensity for filibuster, our hero can make it very difficult for the customer to decline.

TRADEMARK: -- "I'm really sorry you have to die." (I realize this is an overstatement. However, most Fs and other gentle souls usually chuckle knowingly at this description.)

ENTJs are decisive. They see what needs to be done, and frequently assign roles to their fellows. Few other types can equal their ability to remain resolute in conflict, sending the valiant (and often leading the charge) into the mouth of hell. When challenged, the ENTJ may by reflex become argumentative. Alternatively (s)he may unleash an icy gaze that serves notice: the ENTJ is not one to be trifled with.

Functional Analysis
Extraverted Thinking
"Unequivocating" expresses the resoluteness of the ENTJ's dominant function. Clarity of convictions endows these Thinkers with a knack for debate, or wanting knack, a penchant for argument. The light and heat generated by Thinking at the helm can be impressive; perhaps even overwhelming. Experience teaches many ENTJs that restraint may often be the better part of valor, lest one find oneself victorious but alone.

Introverted iNtuition
The auxiliary function explores the blueprints of archetypal patterns and equips Thinking with a fresh, dynamic sense of how things work. Improvising on the fly is something many ENTJs do very well. As Thinking's subordinate, insights are of value only insofar as they further the Right, True Cause celebre. [n.b.: ENTJs are capable of living on a higher plane, if you will, and learning to value individuals even above their principles. The above dynamic suggests less individuation.]

Extraverted Sensing
Sensing reaches out to embrace that which physically touches it. ENTJs have an awareness of the real; of that which exists. By stilling the engines of Thinking and iNtuition, this type may experience the Here and Now, and know things not dreamt of nor even postulated in iNtuition's philosophy. Sensing's minor role, however, puts it at risk for distortion or extreme weakness beneath the hustle and bustle of the giants N and T.

Introverted Feeling
Feeling is romantic, as the ethereal as the inner world from whence it doth emerge. When it be awake, feeling evokes great passion that knows not nuance of proportion nor context. Perhaps these lesser functions inspire glorious recreational quests in worlds that never were, or may only ever be in fantasy. When overdone or taken too seriously, Fi turned outward often becomes maudlin or melodramatic. Feeling in this type appears most authentic when implied or expressed covertly in a firm handshake, accepting demeanor, or act of sacrifice thinly covered by excuses of lack of any personal interest in the relinquished item.

Famous ENTJs:
Franklin D. Roosevelt, Richard M. Nixon, Benny Goodman, "Big Band" leader, General Norman Schwarzkopf, Harrison Ford, Steve Martin, Whoopi Goldberg, Sigourney Weaver, Margaret Thatcher, Al Gore (U.S Vice President, 1993-2001), Lamar Alexander (former governor, US Secretary of Education), Les Aspen, former U.S. Secretary of Defense, Candace Bergen (Murphy Brown), Dave Letterman, Newt Gingrich, Patrick Stewart (STNG: Jean Luc Picard), Robert James Waller (author: The Bridges of Madison County), Jim Carrey (Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, The Mask), Steve Jobs, and Penn Jillette.

*For those who know me - I'm not a fan of Al Gore being in the same category. But I'm happy about Margaret Thatcher and Newt Gingrich.

Possible jobs for someone of my "rating" are: Management in Business or Education, Miliatry Education, Politics, Law, Counseling, Engineering, Industrial Management & Manufacturing Management, High School Education, or Computer Programming.

I enjoy business management, have often contemplated politics on a local level (mayor), long ago thought about getting into law, often counsel others (Human Resources is my background), and I love to think of new ways to do stuff from a computer standpoint (although I like to come up with the ideas and have someone else do it).

In Memory of (part 2)...

One other thing I thought of after posting my last comments about In Memory of stickers is the crosses, flowers and such on the side of the road signifying where someone was obviously in an accident and more than likely killed.

I don't like this either. I understand why people want to do it, but I actually think it could cause more damage because people are looking away from the road and trying to see what's on the side of the road or even trying to read what is written on the crosses.

And then, beyond being dangerous because it's a distraction, it ends up being just a bunch of dead flowers or rotting wood and plastic which to me is like littering.

There are much better ways to mourn your loved ones, bring attention to their lives, or even acknowledge their existence. How about a scholarship in their name? An organization baring the their name? Or something else of significance?

As always...just my opinion!